A lot of my friends have been having babies lately and it's so exciting! I love babies and I love parenthood.
I still have a lot to learn for sure, so don't worry this post isn't exhaustive. Also, as a disclaimer, these are just my opinions so you should check with your healthcare provider before you make decisions about your health and/or pregnancy.
The things I'm sharing in this post are products/ideas that really helped me when I was a first-time mom and I've really treasured this info for the past few years. Before I had my first baby, I was very blessed to work for Sera Prognostics (a women's pregnancy diagnostic company) where I learned a ton about pregnancy, birth, and more. Some of what I learned came from working there and some came from good friends and some came from learning it the hard way!
Having a baby can be really hard and really stretches you (ha!). I believe parenthood is an incredible opportunity to become a better person. But it's far from easy. Despite the challenges of pregnancy and parenthood, having kids far outweighs the lack of sleep, dramatically reduced free time, etc.
Note: some of the links may be affiliate links which means I may earn a small commission at no cost to you!
Before getting pregnant:
Time matters
- Remember that the average time it takes for a couple under 35 to get pregnant is 5-6 months. If you're under 35 and have been having unprotected sex (aka no birth control) for 12 months, that's the recommended time to see a fertility specialist. If you're 35 or older, that recommended timeline is a little shorter. There are some other reasons when it's recommended to see a fertility specialist as well.
- I've known multiple friends wait 3-6+ years of unprotected sex without getting pregnant before seeing a doctor about fertility! This ended up extending their wait to have a baby by quite a few years. Of course, it's totally up to you to decide when and how you'd like to start a family. For many people, infertility can be taxing enough, and adding more years onto the journey can increase stress.
- My suggestion here is to find out your out of pocket max and plan on that for labor and delivery costs. Hospitals are notorious for being unhelpful when it comes to calculating the cost of procedures (at least in my experience). So check out your insurance's explanation of benefits and be sure you know the max you would pay and what's covered.
Take prenatal vitamins
- You can help prevent spina bifida in your baby by taking a daily prenatal vitamin. It's super simple! If you have chewable prenatal vitamins that taste gross, try getting a simple kind for just swallowing (that's what I do).
During Pregnancy:
Combating morning sickness
- First off, morning sickness is a misnomer — for me, it was a general nausea all day on and off, not just in the morning!
- I found that frequent smaller snacks helped me a lot.
- Big news!!! Game changer here! A combination therapy of both vitamin B-6 and doxylamine, which is sold over the counter as Unisom SleepTabs, has been recommended by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists for treating morning sickness in the first trimester. It helped me soooo much and I felt like I had so much more energy!
Read credible sources
- There are so many resources out there and they aren't created equally. Be sure to get your information from reliable, credible sources so you aren't getting misinformation. For your resource, you can get the app, sign up for an email list, or just check the site when you need to. It's also helpful to know the free hotlines and your physician's info to call if you ever need it. Here are some of my favorite resources for pregnancy, birth, and parenthood:
- Baby Center
- I love getting weekly emails about baby's development, they're super helpful and interesting! Plus you can keep getting them after baby comes for baby and toddler tips which I find really helpful too.
- ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists)
- More academic-based, but definitely helpful when you're looking at research
- Mayo Clinic
- Another super reliable resource
- For me, heartburn is the main part of my pregnancy discomfort.
- Did you know the old wives' tale that heartburn = a baby with lots of hair actually has some truth to it?
- I'll admit I eat Tums like candy when I get heartburn during pregnancy 😂
- Many women find their feet swell during pregnancy (and have even had their feet grow a half size or more after giving birth!).
- I wear fitted shoes during pregnancy, but I have no idea if this is actually helps with swelling.
- It is important to drink water throughout the day, sit down and raise your feet, and keep walking to reduce swelling.
- Since I worked at Sera Prognostics, I learned a lot about preterm birth.
- Not only is it super costly to have a baby in the NICU, but it can also have serious, lifelong effects on baby's health. Generally speaking, the closer your baby comes to full term, the better for baby.
- There are lots of stats you can read about it here, but my biggest takeaway is there a lots of choices you can make to reduce your risk of preterm birth (there are also risk factors that are out of your control, i.e. having multiples, family history of preterm birth). I like to focus on factors that I can control.
- Risk factors for preterm labor and premature birth include: smoking, drinking alcohol, using drugs, having a lot of stress in your life, being in an abusive relationship, having exposure to air pollution, secondhand smoke, lead, and other harmful chemicals.
Before giving birth:
Have a birth plan!
- Having a birth plan is super helpful. If you feel strongly about something (for example, I knew I did not want an episiotomy) you can specify it on your birth plan! This gave me a lot of peace of mind going into labor.
- I've looked at a lot of templates online, and this is the one I find most helpful! In my opinion, it has all the main questions without being too overwhelming. You can view/download it for free.
Watch some videos (illustrated or live action) about how pregnancy works
- I found the Kahn Academy to be a great resource for general biology knowledge about how pregnancy works. They have informative illustrated videos given by experts. I really like this one.
Take a birthing class!
- In my experience, this was fun, inexpensive, very educational, and really good for my partner and me. I learned a lot about options, labor positions, and more in our class.
- Keep in mind that some of what you learn may go out the window when you're actually in labor! And that's okay. In the class, I loved it when my husband gave me a massage. But during labor, I didn't want him to touch me at all except to hold my hands!
- Birthing classes are also nice because it's great to have a support group of people going through a similar thing at the same time.
- Your hospital or birthing center usually offers classes, and you can also find them through a third party.
- If you're like me and worry about perennial tearing, don't worry! There are lots of things we can do to prevent the severity of tearing.
- It took me awhile to find some good research on this, but check out this amazing article! It's called Safe Passages and it covers best practices as discovered in some really great studies. The info includes what to do in the weeks leading up to your due date, what angles are best to prevent tearing, and other things! Seriously, it's an amazing article.
- You can also read more research here.
When baby comes/newborn stage (0-3 months):
- As tempting as it is (and necessary too sometimes!) to simply live in sweats for the first 3 months after your baby is born, try to put tighter pants sometimes. That's because right after birth, your body still has some hormones responsible for your hips widening. I wore some tighter pants (not all the time!) after giving birth and I felt like it helped things get back to their mostly-regular shape and size. I learned about this from my good friend who is a nurse so it could be anecdotal.
- I also got one of these compression waist belts from Target (you can also get them from Amazon) after my second baby and I loved it!
- Get the easiest sling ever!
- It's called a Hotsling and I absolutely love it. My husband loves it too. I tried other wraps like the Moby wrap and other baby carriers.
- Why do I love the Hotsling better? It's nice not worrying about the long ends dragging on the ground, it's super fast to put on and put baby in, and it's washable. Plus, I used it every single day for the first 4 months. Just trust me, pick your favorite color, and love the first 4 months. I would size up just FYI!
- Another one of my FAVORITE postpartum products is this Hakaa silicone breast pump.
- If I could only buy this or the sling mentioned above, I don't know which it would be. They are definitely my top two postpartum favorite products.
- After my first baby, I had no idea that for the first while of breastfeeding you can have let down on the side that's not feeding baby. So you basically suction this bad boy on the other side and it saves all that liquid gold! Then you can freeze it and give it to baby any other time. This Hakaa magic not only is super awesome, but it also saved me tons of money instead of wasting it on formula and breast pads!
- I also really like these window shaders for the car.
- This is seriously treasured knowledge, thank you Jordan Page! I promise, watch the video before baby comes and your life will be so much easier following her tips. For example, she talks about how to use white noise, using the eat, awake, then sleep routine, and night feedings. Trust me, watch it!
- One tip she shared that I totally agree with is about night feedings! She's right. With a brand new newborn, I find it best to feed one side, do a diaper change, then feed the other side.
- A tip on feedings: sometimes I found it hard to keep my baby awake during feedings (generally, I try to keep baby awake during eating time so they don't start needing to eat to get to sleep). My best and easiest trick to keep baby awake during a feeding it set him or her on the floor! It stops all the warm cuddles and usually wakes them right up with minimal effort on your part ☺️
(Note: above picture is not a good example of good swaddling!)
Sleep things!
- Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle!
- Seriously, there's a reason parents have been swaddling since the dawn of time. It helps your baby stay asleep and heaven knows, new parents need every minute they can get!
- Even if they fight it like my first baby did, keep swaddling until they start rolling. And even then, we transitioned with one arm at a time.
- Be sure to put your baby on his or her back to sleep
- Use zipper pajamas!
- I love only having zipper pajamas for babies who don't sleep through the night (something like these) because then it's a bit faster for those sleepy midnight diaper changes!
- The APA recommends that babies sleep in the parents' room but on a separate surface designed for infants for at least the first 6 months
- The APA advises against cosleeping
- Have a bedtime routine from get-go!
- Trust me, it will make nighttime so much easier. We do a bath, lotion, nighttime feed, read a book, pray as a family, and then good night.
- Forget the changing table
- For me, I felt like having a wipeable cloth or something was more useful than a changing table. If I had one, I think it would just take up space since I end up changing the baby wherever we're at rather than moving to the baby's room. But that's just me!
- Schedule
- When I had my first baby, I was told to "forget about a schedule because it's always changing anyway." I don't think this was the best advice. Although the actual times will probably vary for a newborn, it was so much better to have at least a routine. For example, it's much easier when you have a clear feeding schedule of every 3 hours. That helped me figure out my day and know what to expect. Of course, baby might have a growth spurt or you may need to adjust slightly due to something else. But generally, I found that helped baby really be hungry and get all the way full between meals!
- "Pacifiers are your bff!"
- I had a friend once whose mom prided herself on the fact that none of her kids ever had a pacifier. Which does sound cool. Except why make life harder on yourself?
- As my friend who has a bunch of grandkids says, "A pacifier is your best friend!" It's seriously so convenient and helpful. My first baby never really used a pacifier and it was quite a bit harder compared to my second who loved hers.
- I've read that the easiest time to take it away is about 6-7 months and a baby starts an emotional attachment to it at 9 months. So just stay on top of that and you should have at least half a year or more of really smooth sailing :)
- Trimming nails
- It's really important to cut your baby's nails regularly so they don't scratch themselves. But it can be hard with those tiny fingers! Sadly I have cut a baby's finger more than once trying to trim their nails. Then my friend taught me this wonderful trick: You can cut nails with your teeth until they are bigger.
- Make sure baby doesn't always lie on one side of his or her head :)
- Talk to your baby a lot
- Did you know the most important time for children to hear words is in the first 12 months of life? (See the groundbreaking study by Risley and Hart)
- You can nurse lying down if you're tired (this was a game changer for me)
- Avoid screen time (FaceTime/video chat doesn't count) until age 2
- Scrub baby's scalp with a firm toothbrush to get rid of baby dander
- Read every day with your baby (a few minutes is good, more is better)
- Ask for help :)
It's a big deal
Having a baby can take a toll on a partnership, and your relationship has a huge effect on baby
- The Gottman Institute has a ton of really cool research about this! For two-thirds of couples, happiness decreases a lot with the birth of each child (and increases as they leave home!)
- Note: this longitudinal study was done with heterosexual couples.
- 1/3 of the couples didn't have a decrease in happiness:
- the men in those couples were more respectful to their wives
- and more accepting of their wife's influence or opinions
- Be like the unique 1/3 that have stable happiness during child-raising years by doing two things:
- Both partners should work to stay involved in the pregnancy and birth of children (Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, Gottman, Gottman, Abrams, & Abrams).
- Maintain intimacy and connection and make your relationship a priority.
- Research and experience show that it's best for all involved if you put your partner first (not kids)
- If you want to hear a great podcast episode with Dr. Gottman where he talks about his research and the book 8 Dates, check out this one.
- As Drs. John and Julie Gottman write in their book "And Baby Makes Three,"
"The greatest gift you can give your baby is a happy and strong relationship between the two of you."
More about parenthood and partnership:
- Parenting with Love and Logic
- Probably one of my favorite books of all time!
- It's not just for parents, it's helpful for anyone who interacts with children or any other human being for that matter :)
- You can read the book (or just listen because who has time to read??)
- You live in Utah? Take the class for free!
- Out of Utah? Sign up for a class or take it online — probably the best $49 you'll spend for a long time
Last Thoughts
Don’t beat yourself up! You’re doing great, and if you care enough to do the research then you’re already awesome :) If your baby is fed, clothed, and safe then you're already doing all you need to!
Just give it your best. And of course, remember that your 'best' will vary from day to day! Sometimes it's all the things and sometimes it's just the basics!
Either way, do what you can, accept support, and remember that your baby is so blessed to have YOU as their momma!! 😘
Amazon List
Here's my Amazon list of all Baby Essentials!
This is a non-affiliated link (aka I don't earn a cent for what you click on or buy), but maybe one day...
If You Enjoyed This Post, You May Also Like...
🍼 How to Reduce Perennial Tearing During Delivery (Anecdotal & Research-Based)
🍼 Possible Ways to Start Labor (especially if You've Had a C-Section)